99 Ways to Kill Clones
by Princess Caroline
Summary: Another SRMTHFG fic? Yup! Rated between PG and R because I dont trust myself. Do not be alarmed by how long this is. 200 reviews by Halloween plz!


Another SRMTHFG fic? Yup!

This list is a collaboration between me and my friends at school.

Disclaimer: Monkey team? Not mine. School computer? Not mine. Creative jumbles circling the inside of my head? Mine. I think we've got it covered now.

And, I hope I didn't offend anyone in any way. But if I did, go ahead and flame me because I deserve it. But please accept my sincerest apologies if I insult you in any way, shape, or form.

Chiro stormed through the Power Primate, still in Hyper Mode from his last encounter with his clones, Chira and Chiroo. _I've gotta get rid of them! They drive me crazy with their make-up and plots and bad Irish dancing!_ Chiro thought to himself.

"Chiro? You okay, kid?" SPRX asked as Chiro stormed through.

"Fine!" Chiro yelled in an overly sarcastic voice.

"The twins?" asked Otto.

"They drive me crazy!" yelled Chiro. "All they do is make up plots to kill me, and put on make-up, and they do really bad Irish dancing, and they're always crying!"

"I feel sorry for ya, kid," SPRX said.

"I wish there was something I could do to help you feel better," said Nova.

"Help me think of a way to get rid of them, then."

"Let's make a list! That's what I did when I was thinking of ways to keep SPRX from flirting with me."

"Did any of them work?"

"No, but I had fun making the list."

SPRX looked shocked. "I thought you liked me!"

"Well, you thought wrong."

Chiro pulled out a small notebook and his favorite orange pen. "Number One..." he thought out loud. "Hire an assassin!" He quickly scribbled it down.

"Number Two...poison!" Nova chimed in. Chiro smiled and scribbled that one down as well.

"This is kinda fun!" he said to Nova, who nodded. The other members of the team watched the two in amazement before joining in the fun: first SPRX, then Otto, then Gibson. Antauri just walked to a corner and began to meditate.

"We could...tie them to a rock and drop them in a lake!" Nova laughed.

"Ooh! How about running over them with a steam roller?" Chiro said.

"CHUCK NORRIS!" Otto yelled. Nova and Chiro laughed even harder.

"Where in the world did _that_ come from?" asked Antauri incredulously.

"I dunno. It was just random."

"Ninjas are cool," said SPRX. "You could become a ninja and get rid of them."

"Okay! That works!" Chiro said excitedly, scribbling all the while.

When they had finally finished, they had a motley list ranging from remotely strange to completely insane. They were extremely proud of themselves for being so creative:

How To Get Rid of Clones

1. Hire an assassin -- Chiro

2. Poison them -- Nova

3. Tie them to a rock and throw them in the water -- Nova

4. Run them over with a steam roller -- Chiro

5. Chuck Norris -- Otto

6. Become a ninja -- SPRX-77

7. Hijack a lawn mower and run them over -- Chiro

8. Use random gardening tools -- Otto

9. Inject them with rhino tranquilizers -- Gibson

10. Play dodge ball...with grenades -- SPRX-77

11. An army of rabid squirrels --SPRX-77

12. Spray them with soda -- Otto (A/N: This is from an episode of Kim Possible.)

13. Drop anvils on them -- Nova

14. Elephant stampede -- Chiro

15. Make them go through childbirth -- Gibson

16. Soak them in marinara sauce -- Otto

17. Send them back in time to Pearl Harbor -- Gibson

18. Ship them to Antarctica -- Chiro

("Where's Antarctica?" Nova asked.  
"I dunno. Some continent on Earth, I think," replied Chiro. "Supposed to be frozen solid.")

19. Hanging -- Nova

20. Liquid nitrogen -- Gibson

21. Voodoo -- Chiro

22. Stab them with knitting needles -- SPRX-77

23. Sulfuric acid -- Gibson

24. Send them bungee-jumping into an erupting volcano -- Otto

25. Make them go swimming in a tank of piranhas -- Nova

26. Stuff their heads in a pencil sharpener -- SPRX-77

27. Aging Potion from _Harry Potter_ -- Otto

28. _Avada Kedavra_ from _Harry Potter _-- Chiro

29. Syntho Drones -- Otto (A/N: Also from Kim Possible. See the movie _So the Drama_.)

30. Szechuan chicken...extra hot! -- Chiro

("What the heck is _that?_" asked Nova.  
"Some Earth food from a country called China. It's chicken soaked in a spicy sauce," explained Chiro.)

31. Combine harvester -- Otto

("It's a big machine used to harvest crops," said Otto.)

32. Fukimi-baru -- SPRX-77

("It's a ninja weapon!" SPRX cheered.  
"The five of you are insane," Antauri muttered from his corner of the room.)

33. C-4 Circle -- Otto

("It's a type of remote-controlled explosive," replied Otto.  
"COOL!" cried Chiro.)

34. Pen -- Chiro

35. Have them read this list -- Antauri, being sarcastic about the whole thing

36. Take enjoyment in this list -- Antauri, being sarcastic again

37. Cloning machine in reverse -- Chiro

38. Suffocation -- Nova

39. Wooden stake and mallet -- SPRX-77

("It works on vampires," SPRX commented. "Why shouldn't it work on clones?")

40. Godsmack -- Nova

("If you play it loud enough, it could break windows," commented Nova.)

41. Make them change a diaper -- Chiro, remembering Jinmay's little brother

42. Smother them in PB+J -- Otto

("Speaking of peanut butter and jelly, who wants a snack?" Otto asked, heading to the kitchen.)

43. Drowning -- Chiro

44. Blindfold them and drop them into a pit of ravenous cats -- Antauri, still being sarcastic

("Come on, silver!" Nova grabbed Antauri's hand and tried to pull him into the group.  
"Please, do not call me silver," he said. "And I do not want to join you, nor can you make me." With that, he disappeared up the black transport tube to his bedroom.  
"Hey, Antauri! Don't you like carrots?" Otto called up the tube when he got back.)

45. Chainsaw juggling -- Otto

46. Knife throwing, like at the circus -- SPRX-77

47. Alka-Seltzer -- SPRX-77

("Why Alka-Seltzer?" asked Nova.  
"Well, on Earth, if you feed as bird an Alka-Seltzer, they will explode after a while," SPRX explained.)

48. Send them to Middle Earth -- Chiro

("Where's that?" Nova asked.  
"Don't you read the Lord of the Rings?" asked Chiro.  
"Oh! Okay! I knew I had heard that phrase somewhere!" Nova cried.)

49. Chaos Emeralds -- Otto

("They were used in those Earth video games based on Sonic the Hedgehog," Otto explained as Nova opened her mouth to ask something.)

50. Paper cuts...a LOT of paper cuts. -- Chiro

51. Attack them with COCONUTS! -- Nova

52. Get them into gang fights with each other -- Nova

53. Osama bin Laden and Al Qaeda -- Otto

("You are one messed-up little monkey, Otto," Chiro commented.)

54. Expose them to X-ray radiation and hope they get cancer -- Gibson

("There was an Earth woman who discovered DNA," explained Gibson. "Her name was Rosalind Franklin, and she worked with X-ray radiation so long that she died from cancer."  
"Who cares about dead people? Let's keep listing ideas!" SPRX said. "This is fun!")

55. Feed them things that the original is allergic to -- Nova

("But I don't have allergies," Chiro said.)

56. Drop them in the middle of a racetrack...during the Daytona 500 -- SPRX-77

("It's an Earth contest where the people drive these cars aroung a racetrack at speeds of over 100 miles per hour to win a trophy," SPRX commented.)

57. Hope they spontaneously combust -- Gibson

("That means hope they randomly explode," Gibson said.)

58. Slit their throats -- Nova

59. Cut off their balls -- Otto

("But Chira and Chiroo are girls," Chiro pointed out. "That wouldn't work on them.")

60. Shove plastic bags down their throats -- SPRX-77

61. Push them out of a hot-air balloon -- Gibson

62. Push them INTO the hot-air balloon itself -- Chiro

63. Fooby the Kamikaze Watermelon -- Otto

(" 'Kamikaze Watermelon'?" asked Chiro. Otto only laughed in response.)

64. Make them smell fart -- Otto

("Otto, I'll say it again: You are one twisted little monkey," Chiro said.)

65. Burn them -- Nova

("Somehow I'm not surprised that you would be the one to say something like that," SPRX commented.)

66. Use a random egg-beater -- SPRX-77

67. Mirrors -- Gibson

("Mirrors?" asked Chiro. Gibson shot the boy a look that said 'Don't Ask'.)

68. Put them in a tank of sharks -- Chiro

69. Murder -- SPRX-77

("That's what we're trying to do here...")

70. Dump books on them -- Gibson

71. Cut them in half -- Otto

72. Yank their brains out -- SPRX-77

73. Take their lungs out -- Gibson

74. Bury them in hot coal -- Chiro

75. Bury them in heavy wood -- Nova

76. Starve them -- Gibson

77. Make them so fat they can't move -- Chiro

78. Impale them with drumsticks -- Nova

79. Pour tons of hot, liquid metal on them -- Chiro

80. Record them singing in the shower and hop they die of embarrassment -- Otto

81. Radioactive forces -- Gibson

82. Dump them in a pool of glue -- SPRX-77

83. Try to teach them to speak French and/or German -- Otto

("For most of the words, it sounds like they're hocking up lugies. The clones could choke," Otto explained as everyone else gagged on their snacks.)

84. Three hours of Teletubbies -- SPRX-77

85. Three hours of Sesame Street -- Chiro, remembering Jinmay's little brother again

86. Three hours of Barney -- Otto

87. Three hours of the Wiggles -- Nova

88. Michael Jackson -- Otto

89. Make them watch sappy love stories with Mom -- SPRX-77

90. The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny -- SPRX-77

("What?" asked Chiro.  
"It's a song Cat's boyfriend likes," replied SPRX.)

91. Make them spend a day at Cat's high school -- SPRX-77

92. Force poison ivy down their throats -- Gibson

93. Make them do a stupid group activity with that psychiatrist that comes into Cat's study hall -- Chiro

94. Staple gun -- SPRX-77

95. Invite them to play football with you -- Nova

96. Invite them to play ice hockey with you -- Nova

97. Endless typing classes -- Chiro

98. Mr. Thingy -- SPRX-77

("What's 'Mr. Thingy'?" asked Gibson. SPRX replied with an evil smirk.)

99. Lesbian Nazi hookers abducted by UFOs and forced into weight loss programs -- Otto

"Dude, that is just disgusting!" SPRX yelled when they had reached the end of the list.

Meanwhile, Chira was watching the whole thing going on at the Power Primate.

"Chiroo! That Chiro boy and those stupid monkeys are being mean!" she cried, bursting into tears and running to find her sister.


End file.
